About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
