i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I intend to get homeless drunk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
