He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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