His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
