I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
