please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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