So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
