If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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