since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
