Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
