Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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