I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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