Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When are your genitals available?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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