Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
