Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
