she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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