am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
