Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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