I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
