I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Semen is not good for contacts.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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