He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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