He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
