Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
