worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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