dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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