If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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