If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
