Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
