I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
