i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
