so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
