Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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