Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
