It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
