woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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