I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
