i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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