I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
