She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
