my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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