so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
