Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
