Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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