There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
