So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
