I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
