Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
