I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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