I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
