if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
