Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
