why didn't you poke me back
id be glad to
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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