Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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