I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
