i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
