Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bring money and cleavage
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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