I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
