i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
