There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
