u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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