i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
