Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
