i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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