don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
