meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
