4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I am available for nakedness
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
