Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
