she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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