Can i not drive my cunt home
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
