Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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