Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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