Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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