stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
