Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
