I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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