omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
