smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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